Nic Cage and Steve Nash - Vampires or Time Travelers?

First, we learned that John Tesh is an alien.

Voted "Most Likely To Anally Probe You"
Class of 1970

Then we find out that Nic Cage is a vampire.

NIC-NIC-NIC-NIC-NA-NIC-NIC-NIC...
Image via PacificCoastNews.com

Now, a reputable online news source claims that Steve Nash has solved the eternal mystery of human time travel.

 Even in 1893, Steve Nash couldn't guard anyone.
Image via Deadspin

What's next, Christopher Walken is revealed to be a Highlander?

Nash, Tesh, Cage, & Walken: The League of Extraordinarily Creepy Gentlemen!