Congratulations to the most segregated city in America, Chicago!

First, we'd like to thank The Census Bureau and The Manhattan Institute for Policy Research for recognizing our hard work over the past few decades.

We'd also like to thank fear, racism, economic disparity, a rigid class hierarchy, and fierce adherence to our own long-held stereotypes. Without all of you, we would never have achieved  such a distinctive honor.

Finally, we'd like to thank history. If there's one think we've learned from you, it's consistency. We still got it!

Now get the hell outta our neighborhood!