After reading the title, we briefly spazzed over the prospect of stars like George Clooney and Charlize Theron visiting our quiet residential street to shoot an intimate domestic drama; one of those character-driven stories that A-Listers can really sink their teeth into. Or, failing that, a quirky indie comedy would be perfectly adequate; hell, even a hokey rom-com would do. Then we read the entire first sentence on the notice, and our hopes were completely shot to hell. AARP!? WTF?!
Crestfallen, we hung our heads and returned inside, though not before noticing that this flyer was also taped to the front door of every residence on the block. Then we read the part about how parking would not be permitted on one side of the street along the entire block for an entire day. If there's one thing us city folk won't tolerate, it's them uppity Hollywood types screwin' with our parkin'.
After careful deliberation, we created a flyer of our own, which we taped to the front door of every residence on the block, right next to the one above. We have included a copy of the flyer below.
NOTICE
Residents of the 2100 block of Sunnyside Avenue:
On Tuesday, March 6, please be aware that this man will be participating in a film shoot for an AARP commercial at 2157 W Sunnyside Avenue. The man is in an advanced state of acute dementia, and has a tendency to wander off if left unattended. If you notice this man on your property, say, sitting on your porch or shuffling through your backyard, DO NOT APPROACH HIM, as he is a particularly ornery and combative individual.
Please call this number, (773) WIL-FORD, and we will send someone out to rescue him. We greatly appreciate your cooperation.
Also, if you are over the age of 50 and can competently operate a computer, please visit us www.aarp.com.
Sincerely,
AARP
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